This episode of “The Road to Refuge” finishes our conversation about taking refuge in Jesus by dispelling lies, distraction, apathy, and hustle through key spiritual disciplines.
Welcome back to The Women's Cast. That's short for podcast, forecast, our cast of characters, and all the casts in between. This year, we're focusing on the theme of strength.
This episode of “The Road to Refuge” finishes our conversation about taking refuge in Jesus by dispelling lies, distraction, apathy, and hustle through key spiritual disciplines. Our host Alison Mezger (central Women's Ministry director) sits down with Annette Haralson (North Equipping & Women's director) and Julie Kotulek (central Women’s Ministry program coordinator) for a conversation about resisting hustle and taking refuge in Jesus through the practice of Sabbath.
Recommended Resources
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, by John Mark Comer
Long Obedience in the Same Direction, by Eugene Peterson
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero
Alison Mezger:
Hi, friends. Welcome back to The Women's Cast. I'm your host, Alison Mezger. I serve as the Central Women's Ministry director at the Austin Stone, and I'm so glad you're joining us yet again for this four episode miniseries that we're calling The Road to Refuge. This is our final episode before digging further into our Refuge in Jesus at Women's Retreat on March 3rd through 5th. Today's conversation is on hustle. We're going to talk about Sabbath. I'll just say from the get-go, if this was about expertise, if this was about having arrived, I'm disqualified at the onset to have this conversation with you guys, but it's not. It's about God's grace and his provision for us in the things that we all struggle in. So hustle, what is it? It's our bent towards a way of living that's focused on producing and performing at a really fast pace. This is a real threat to our health and intimacy with Jesus that like the other episodes before this one requires an intentional defense.
So we're going to spend time talking about the spiritual discipline of sabbath, which helps us actively resist the hustle and make a way for true rest in Jesus. Guys, there's no denying it. We are busy and often exhausted and experiencing burnout. At times, we're even frantic. I can think of a few people that I interact with on a day-to-day basis that don't share in the sentiment that we have too much going on in our schedules. We're moving at too swift a pace. Our lives are often a blurred sprint resistant to real rest. We're eagerly anticipating the next chance we'll have to flatline on the couch for a nap or binge some Netflix. Guys, it's so interesting to observe in Genesis one that God created male and female, commissioned them with purpose and responsibility on day six of creation, and then made the very next day, a day of rest, the Sabbath.
So before Adam and Eve could take any action towards doing, they were asked to be. They were told to rest. In Genesis 1:31, we also see that, "And God saw everything that he had made and behold it was very good." God named them, he named Adam and Eve the pinnacle of creation before they had a chance to produce or perform. So what does all this mean as it relates to our tendency towards hustle and the spiritual discipline of sabbath? We are to work from rest, not towards rest. I'll say that again. We are to work from rest not towards it. In opposition to what we're prone to believe. We're always working from a place of value. What we produce is always a matter of stewardship and never a matter of worth. Because this is always true of us, we can rest, we can sabbath even. In our brokenness and sin instead of being met with a do better or work for it, Jesus meets us with this response. This is from Matthew 11:28-30. "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Because of Jesus, we can continue to rest because we can trust that when He said it is finished, He meant it. Okay, I've just rattled off all the things that my heart needs to hear, all the things that are true in scripture about the reality of my heart's posture towards work and the reality of what I'm called to and the better story that we have in resting with Jesus. I've said all those things, it doesn't mean it's easy to believe. It doesn't mean it's easy to be obedient in. I'm joined with two friends. I'm going to let them introduce themselves and then we're going to jump into the nitty-gritty reality of what it looks like to fight for belief in this and to actually put it into practice, even if in a messy way, to put it in a practice in our lives. So Annette, Julie, so glad you guys are here today. Why don't you introduce yourselves?
Annette Haralson:
Hey, everyone. I'm Annette Haralson. I am up at our North Congregation as the Equipping and Women's Ministry Director.
Julie Kotulek:
I am Julie Kotulek. I serve as our Central Women's Ministry Program Coordinator.
Alison Mezger:
I think it's fair to say we had a quick exchange right before we turned on the record button that we all rushed to get here.
Annette Haralson:
Yep.
Julie Kotulek:
Yes.
Alison Mezger:
We all hurried into this room a little bit frantic, we're late. Our hair may feel a little bit on fire-
Annette Haralson:
Heart still pounding.
Alison Mezger:
... in more ways than one. In more ways than one.
Annette Haralson:
Yes. Yes.
Julie Kotulek:
Some physical pace, but also maybe what's going on in your heart and mind. Yeah.
Annette Haralson:
Oh, yeah.
Alison Mezger:
Yep, which is good. We're going to be speaking from the reality of this is our day-to-day.
Annette Haralson:
Real life.
Alison Mezger:
Yes.
Annette Haralson:
Real life. Real life.
Alison Mezger:
I am definitely working towards the rest of Christmas break in this moment-
Julie Kotulek:
Yep, that's true.
Alison Mezger:
... rather than the thing that you just said, is supposed to be, which is supposed to be the case.
Annette Haralson:
We're not working from rest, working toward rest.
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah.
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
Well, before we jump in to some of what makes hustle easy for us, some of what makes rest hard, just reflect back on everything I just shared, this idea that God actually created rest as this thing that he commanded and He gifted to Adam and Eve even before they were to do the work that He had given them, this reality that hustle does come to us so naturally, especially in the culture that we swim in. What's your first reaction to those things?
Annette Haralson:
For me, it's I'm just convicted over and over again that there are so many ways that I want to try to be God, just like the original sin of Adam and Eve and the idea of being able to be on it 24/7 is something that I think that I can do and I should do and I certainly want to do and it just hits me between the eyes every time I come back to Genesis 1, and realize not even God did that.
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah, that's good.
Annette Haralson:
So why in the world do I think that I can, should, that it would be fulfilling just all over again hits me between the eyes.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah, that's good.
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
What about you, Julie?
Julie Kotulek:
I think I at the same time feel conviction and comfort, conviction of, because I know that I sit in this chair and we just addressed and coming in feeling like I hustled to get here, but also at the same time to hear you say what is true in Jesus and the freedom that we have to rest feels like a big hug that I need.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah. That's good.
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
It's easy to see the connection between hustle and striving and this busyness that most of us pursue and our need for rest, our need for sabbath. But I think it's also important in this conversation to make it clear that hustle isn't just the enemy of sabbath, hustle is actually the enemy of our faith. It's our enemy of taking refuge in Jesus and sabbath is the way to counteract that. So it's not just that we have to talk about, "How do I stop hustling and sabbath because God has commanded me to do that?" It's, "How do I use the gift and be obedient to the command of resting?" Because hustle in and of itself erodes my ability to take refuge in Jesus. So the whole conversation gets a little more complicated when we think about it through that lens. What do you think about that idea of hustle actually being a threat to your faith and not just a threat to sabbath itself?
Annette Haralson:
Yeah, I totally identify with that because one of the things that I really had to stop and meditate on to even get in the right frame of mind for why a sabbath is good for me is understanding the dynamics that were in play in Genesis 1. Not to get too technical, but I think a lot of people have heard that in Hebrew the number seven is the number of completion. So when you look at the seven days of creation, it's not a coincidence that it's seven. It's supposed to be the number of completeness, but then you look at how many days God actually worked in creation, it was only six of those days. What that communicates to my heart at least, is that God didn't even need the fullness of that amount of time to do all of His work.
He was so powerful. He was so capable, so able that He only needed six days and then He was able to rest. What that communicates to my heart is that He is powerful and capable enough to handle any amount of work that I think I need to do. He is able to do it. I can trust Him with the things that I have to lay down to sit down and not do in order to sabbath. That is something that I really need to internalize because I recognize that so often when I choose not to sabbath, when I choose to be disobedient and not to Sabbath, it's because I'm not trusting Him to complete the work that I think I need to do. So it absolutely is a battle of trust in my heart, trust in Him and Him alone, because I'm a doer, and I think that I have to do it and I don't because He can.
Julie Kotulek:
I think for me, if it reveals a lack of trust in you, it reveals pride in me. I think the way that hustle not only impacts sabbath but impacts my faith is that my need for Jesus has just been completely lost on me. I'm completely functioning in my own strength at a pace that feels like it's completely out of step with Him, five feet in front of Him hurried, and so my attention is scattered. I'm not aware of His presence and I'm just completely functioning within Julie and what she can do.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah, that's good. I think at the root of a lot of this is this idea of why do we try to work and perform and produce like we do? What are we trying to achieve from that? Certainly, there are things that, scrambling for dinner, and that's because you're trying to feed your kids. That's a good thing. It's not always about more than that, but oftentimes, it is about value that we are trying to have ascribed to ourselves through that work. I know that when I diagnose my heart about what is feeding the hustle, I can easily make excuses for a lot of the things, because they're good. They're good things, they're necessary things.
They're things that I would be disobedient to ignore, but maybe frenzied pace with which I approach them or the lack of asking for help in them, the lack of prioritizing or just taking that inventory is because that I'm creating value for myself. I'm speaking value of myself from those things. So again, it's that idea that for me, often I'm working towards rest, that I will deserve rest after I have completed these things. That's exactly the opposite of what He did in Genesis, which was to say, "Here's the work ahead of you, rest up for it." I very much fall into the camp of I'm working so that I can earn the rest because I have to be valuable first.
Annette Haralson:
I think that's a really good point because I think each of us approach this or have our own struggle because for me, it's not about trying to earn rest, it is, and maybe this is actually a pride thing like Julie's talked about, it's thinking that nobody can do it as well as I can. If I spend a day not doing, that's a day of things not getting done well, but it really does tie in again to trust because do I trust God with the things that I'm not going to do? So that's where my struggle comes in, and I think it's really unique to a lot of different people and a lot of different wirings or whatever, so it's a complicated mess.
Alison Mezger:
It is. But I think what you're revealing is it's important for each of us to ask ourselves and to invite community in to help us understand, "Why is this so hard for me?" the answers are likely going to be a little bit different. They're going to be nuanced, our situations and our circumstances and our personalities, and that means the truth that I need to hold on to may look different than the truth that you really need to hold onto in order to pursue this. They're all true things, but I need to hear them in a different way than you might.
Annette Haralson:
So right.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah. So before we talk about some of the rhythms and practices that help us each pursue rest in Jesus, pursue sabbath, I think it would be helpful for us to have a basic understanding of really what we're even talking about. Annette, I know this is something that you've had the opportunity to think about in detail in some different teaching environments. Would you help us out by giving us just a basic understanding of what we even mean when we talk about sabbath?
Annette Haralson:
Yeah. So really in the most literal sense, sabbath is a purposeful set apart 24-hour time period where you cease from work in order to focus on God. That's it in its most basic form. Where those 24 hours might be in your week differs from person to person. What it means to cease from work and what it means to intentionally focus on God can be nuanced, but in a nutshell, that's what it is.
Alison Mezger:
So we're talking about a dedicated period of time on a regular, say, weekly basis where we are putting off some things and we're also putting on some things.
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
I think that's really helpful because it's easy for me to default to thinking that sabbath is just the time where you don't do, and yet that misses the chance to think about it through the lens of what God would have me do or step into both the relational aspect with Him, but also the other things that help me rest. So yeah, that's really helpful. Okay, so I'll be honest. I also hear that definition and while I'm encouraged by the putting on, putting off, I start to feel a little bit anxious about there being a right way to do this and a specific amount of time and a certain way that it needs to look. Do you guys feel that way? How do you think about that in light of the definition that Annette just gave us, but also the realities of life?
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah, I think that there's a fence to live within, and Annette gave us that fence, but then the playground that you're building for rest within the fence looks different for every person. While the goal of sabbath is to stop and rest, there is a productive doing that it's more than just like, "Oh, I reach rest, or I reach sabbath," and I spend my time just whatever comes my way. I have found that when I'm practicing sabbath in the most fruitful way, I have prepared for sabbath and I have planned for sabbath, and I've created a day that's going to fill me up personally, that's going to lead me to delight and worship in Jesus. That looks different for me than it does for Annette and for Alison, so those are just my initial thoughts.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah, that it takes a lot of intentionality to figure out what helps you both do the pudding off and the pudding on.
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah, I would say when intentionality is lacking, sabbath is actually a source of shame for me because I've reached the end of sabbath and I feel like I've wasted it, or I've spent it in ways that don't feel fruitful to me and didn't fill me up. So if I don't plan, sabbath actually makes me feel terrible.
Alison Mezger:
How do you work through for yourself what will make sabbath fruitful? How do you start to define that for Julie?
Julie Kotulek:
I think it has taken years to figure this out. I think I initially looked to other people and what they did for sabbath and would try to model the same thing and was just like, "This doesn't work for me." so it was learning to give myself grace and say, "I have to figure out what stirs my affections towards Jesus specifically and being down to figure that out." So through that, I learned that cooking a meal, so waking up and cooking breakfast is a really sweet time of that's not in my Bible, but is a place that I really meet with the Lord and can very clearly talk to Him. I have figured out I've had to test of, "I need a combination of alone time and time with people. I need to start out alone. I need to finish with people."
Alison Mezger:
That's really good.
Julie Kotulek:
So I have, like when I'm in a season when I can practice Sabbath well, have a whole day plan.
Annette Haralson:
I totally feel you that this is a process, Julie, that I feel like I've gone through a lot of trial and error because there are some things that I've learned along the way that have totally surprised me. One of the things, just a concrete example, is that I cannot do Bible study on my sabbath. For me, it's that sense of accomplishment that I get that I feel like I've just done something amazing because I have gotten myself into a rhythm where it's really hard for me to spend deep time in the Bible without doing inductive Bible study. It's just how I'm wired, and I just start getting the sense of accomplishment that comes up in me that on a regular day in the week, I will work to battle. But I realize on my sabbath day I don't want to have that battle.
Alison Mezger:
Wow, yeah.
Annette Haralson:
So what I do is so often I will just listen to the Bible, or I have this one paper copy of the Bible that doesn't have any verse markings, and so I'll just pick somewhere. I won't follow a reading plan, I'll just pick somewhere and I'll read just like I would pick up a novel and read, and I'll just read for the sheer of enjoyment of it. I just did this the other day and it was just, I saw something in there. It was almost as if God was sitting beside me like a parent would when they're sharing their favorite book of literature with their child and just pointing out, "See how this tied in with another plot point? Isn't this so cool?"
I felt that delight, and I would not have felt that if I was trying to do an in-depth Bible study during my sabbath. But for another person that in-depth Bible study, that might be the only day of the week that they would get that, and that would be their delight. So you have to figure out what needs to be added to you for fill and what needs to be set aside because it might actually point you more to your own accomplishments and work rather than to delighting in the Lord.
Alison Mezger:
I love that so much. Guys, if you didn't really pick up on what Annette just shared, she is one of the most prolific students of the Bible I've ever known, and yet to say that you intentionally step outside of and don't engage through Bible in the same way on the sabbath, I hope is really freeing for women to hear, because it doesn't diminish your love for the word at all. It's saying that, "You know what's actually more important than my love of the word, it's actually my love of Jesus?
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
"So what I need in this time is to meet with Him in a way without any other distraction." You're right, for some woman that may mean that that's their one day a week where they can really slow down and go in depth and take as much time as they want in the Word. For others, for you, it looks entirely different than that, which is so cool to think of putting a good thing aside. That is a good thing-
Annette Haralson:
Absolutely.
Alison Mezger:
... and yet it's not what's best for you in a posture of rest and in a posture of relationship, and so it's good and right for you to set that aside.
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
I love that. So Annette, what do your sabbath rhythms look like right now?
Annette Haralson:
So I tried to do the sundown-to-sundown method, the 24-hour method, but I realized for me that just didn't work because I tried to do my sabbath on Fridays, and a lot of times I would just have things that would interfere before sundown on a Thursday, or during sundown on a Thursday. So I do mind from the moment I wake up on Friday morning to the moment I wake up on Saturday morning, I start out completely alone. I start out with a good cup of espresso with a little bit of coconut milk, and it's either listening to the Bible, read over me, listening to a sermon. It's not visual, I just want to hear. Sometimes it'll be listening to a podcast if there's something that's piqued my interest during the week and I haven't had time to listen to, it'll be that.
But just something to where somebody else is speaking over me, where somebody else is putting thoughts, someone who's trusted or it's the word that I trust that's putting the thoughts into my head because I need to shut off the constant monologue that's going on in my brain. This is how I do it over a cup of coffee and something being read over me. Then I'll usually spend some time just reading on my own. Sometimes it'll be a spiritual book. Sometimes it'll be a good classic work of literature, and I'll have some soothing music in the background, usually instrumental because I don't want conflicting voices going on with that. Then probably about by 10:00 in the morning, I wake up pretty early, so I've had a good chunk of time that's like five to six hours of time by about 10:00 in the morning I'm ready to open up the door and see what the rest of the day holds.
But the one thing that I make sure that I have prepared beforehand, and this is so key for me, it's not just one, it's two things. Number one, I have to have a plan for what I'm going to eat for that lunch because I have incredible decision fatigue, and so I don't need to make a decision when I'm coming right out of that alone space, so I want to already have that done. So sometimes it's that I've already ordered HEB and I've got a delivery that's waiting on my doorstep with a rotisserie chicken, or sometimes it's that I've already made a breakfast casserole and it's ready for me to go downstairs, whatever.
Then the second thing is that I've already made sure that the space that I'm going to be in early in the day is clutter free, because clutter is one of those things that's constantly bombarding my mind. So I have prepared a place, I might not clean my own house, my whole house, and most often I have not cleaned my whole house, but I have one space that's clutter free, that's not going to distract me. Then for the rest of the day, it's usually pretty open to whatever I want to do. I allow myself some freedom because I'm a huge planner, and so allowing the rest of the day to be unplanned is something that I give up. I give up that plan until 5:30 when I know my husband is coming home from work, and then 5:30 he gets me and I finish my day with him.
Alison Mezger:
Okay. Annette, I've known you a long time and I consider as close friends.
Annette Haralson:
Yes.
Alison Mezger:
That sounds idyllic and completely ... I don't know how to do that. I say that personally, but also thinking about not just the life stage I'm in, but many of the life stages I have been in with young kids, with the chaos of sports on Saturday and with things after school and dropping off on Friday or Saturday with just a variety of things that add clutter, that take away my ability to control a 24-hour period of time. So talk to me or talk to the young mom at North or the woman who travels for work and doesn't have that kind of consistency, 'cause when I hear that, it sounds absolutely amazing. Also, I could potentially feel really discouraged because I don't know how to carve out 24 hours like that.
Annette Haralson:
Yeah. Yeah. Well, the first thing I will tell you is that I did not just describe 24 hours, I described five to six hours. [inaudible 00:26:07] So I think one of the things that you have to do is make sure that you can plan for how many hours that you can get. It might not be five or six, but I think the majority of us can get two to three at the start of a sabbath and really look at your week. Most of us feel like maybe we have to have a certain day of the week, but maybe your rhythms, if you examine it, you can identify a certain timeframe within your week. It doesn't have to start at sundown, it doesn't have to start at sunrise or whatever. You can start it whenever you want, but that's your two hours to kick it off where you actually set the tone.
I actually read somebody talking about how when they start their Sabbath, they light a candle and it's like this symbolic thing of, "I am setting this apart." Then they make sure that the next thing that they do is some kind of rhythm that actually prepares their mind, prepares their heart for what they're going to go into. So maybe it's a day where your child naps and then your husband can come home for the afternoon part of it and you can get a longer stretch, or maybe you have a girlfriend in your MC where you two can coordinate and say, "Hey, can we coordinate where we can trade off when we do this sabbath thing and you take my kids this afternoon or this evening or whatever?"
Something like that where you can be creative and think about, "How can I carve out a chunk of time where I can intentionally begin this?" Because I think that if we will just look and try to be creative, we can find ways. So this is something that God wants for us. This is something that he actually wants for our good. So I think he would delight in us just actually going to Him and say, "Father, will you give me wisdom about when this could happen in my week? Who I could ask, who I can invite into this?" Because here's the thing about sabbath, it forces you to a place of neediness, and that's when you invite community in and say, "I need your help. In order to make this happen, I need your help. Father, in order to make this happen, I need your help," and then actually start doing the trial and error to try to make it work.
Julie Kotulek:
I also think just as perspective from a different season of life as a 30- year-old single, another question to ask is, "Where do I need to say no?" Because it's not necessarily for me that I have these responsibilities that I don't have to take a kid to practice or anything like that, it's more so "What fun and potentially really good thing do I need to say no to be able to prioritize sabbath in my life?"
Alison Mezger:
The idea that just because you're available doesn't mean that you're really free or that it would be best. Yeah. That's good. Okay. We've talked some about what some current rhythms look like right now. Talk to me about a season where pursuing sabbath was difficult, maybe even beyond just scheduling challenges in life circumstances. I know in my own life there are certainly seasons where the reasons, even if I want to point to my calendar, the real reason that I'm not pursuing rest in Jesus, the real reason I'm not carving out this time and presence with Him intentionally is because something else is going on in my heart. There's a barrier there. There's beliefs that I have there's sin that I'm walking in that's actually keeping me from Him, and my calendar is just an excuse. So I'd love to know if there have been seasons in your life where sabbath was hard, where sabbath was a difficult discipline for you, beyond just the fact that it's difficult to work in regardless.
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah. I think a season that comes to mind, I think probably a number of things were going on, and I think when you're in a season like this, it just can snowball. But I was in a season of isolation, overwhelmed with doubt around my faith and just really asking big questions of, "Is God real? Is he faithful? Are you going to show up? Are you going to rebuild this thing?" I was right in the wake of incredible loss and suffering. I was just in the thick of it and I was just asking really big questions. So to go and spend a day in the joy of the Lord and to worship and rest in Him just felt like, "Why would I do that, because I'm having this faith crisis?" So if we are coming together and I am entering in your presence, it feels like we're wrestling and I don't know how to rest in this space.
Alison Mezger:
It sounds like what you needed in that season was permission to be with Him, even if it didn't feel restful or joyful or necessarily comfortable. But that's really hard to do, especially when we think about sabbath as being rest in and of itself is the goal, which obviously it's part of that, but it's ultimately about that refuge in Jesus and if you're wrestling with Him ...
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah, I think it ultimately points back to some hustle and performance of I felt like I couldn't Sabbath in it not look the glamorized way that I think that in my head that it should have, rather than just showing up with where I am with Jesus and resting in Him in that place. It was like, "I need to perform so that sabbath looks the way that I think that it needs to."
Alison Mezger:
So outside of some of those circumstances, just seasons changing, what did it look like to press in there?
Julie Kotulek:
I think it looked a lot like trust asking big questions and ultimately, being buoyed by people along the way, and there was just nature of the circumstance that I didn't have people around me. The second that I got in a space where people were around me then to speak truth into me into the things that I was wrestling with and to help me fight the narratives that I was hearing and ultimately, choosing even though my feelings weren't necessarily aligned with, "God, I'm trusting what Your Word says and who You say that You are," and to keep leaning in that way and eventually to see God come through and say, "Okay, I believe You are who You say You are."
Alison Mezger:
Yeah.
Annette Haralson:
I can think of one that was fairly recent, and it was in a time where I didn't feel like I was doing anything right. I felt like nothing I was doing was measuring up, and so I kept trying to work and work to make it better. I don't necessarily think it was an idea that I didn't deserve rest, it was just that I was so caught up in this feeling of I had to do it right, I had to do it right. What I ended up realizing is that my lack of sabbath just totally short circuited God's means of grace into my life, for Him to pour into me that I don't have to be enough because He is enough.
I don't have to be perfect because He is my perfect peace and my perfect rest, and my perfect work. It was just this self-perpetuating cycle of not allowing myself to experience His grace and not giving myself grace. I really do feel like it was the opposite of living out the truth that we love Him because He first loves us, because my heart started to get further and further away from Him the more that I was trying to strive to do everything better and not just resting in Him and His love and acceptance and favor of me. So that was a really, really hard season of my life, and I would love to say that I got out of it on my own, but actually somebody else snapped me out of it.
Alison Mezger:
What did that look like?
Annette Haralson:
Somebody telling me that I was snappish, that I was being really short with people. I just realized that there was this total absence of love in my life, and it was because I hadn't let love of Jesus pour into my life. I had no love for myself, no love for others, and it was a big wake-up call.
Alison Mezger:
It sounds silly, but I can't help but think about the posture you have as a parent with a kid that you know just really needs to take a nap-
Annette Haralson:
Yes.
Alison Mezger:
... where you're like, "Baby, you are so hangry right now and everything will be better if you just eat this fruit snack and lay down for a few minutes." It sounds like that was what your friend was able to communicate to you.
Annette Haralson:
100%.
Alison Mezger:
Like, "You're separated from the source. You need a snack and a nap," and by that we mean some extended time with Jesus.
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
So I'm thankful that you got to experience that. I think for me so many times that I'm not in a consistent rhythm of sabbath, y'all this is just the epitome of immaturity, it's because I literally forget it's important. I will hustle blaze through a couple of weeks and be like maybe what you were describing, something feels off, the well doesn't feel very deep. Maybe I've reacted to someone in a way that in retrospect, I wish I hadn't, or I know either because of the spirit brings it up or because they pointed out to me, it wasn't very Christ-like. But oftentimes, it's a wake-up call that I'm like I didn't even realize I missed it. I blew past nap time essentially and forgot that it was even a need because the snowball effect of hustle is so big that to unwork it, I think, requires a great amount of intentionality.
So as much as I buck up against something feeling legalistic, I know that I need some very specific rules around my sabbath and accountability towards those, because in myself, I will just blow past them. If it's something I can just figure out or feel out as it naturally comes about, as far as there being a natural, revealed need in my life, I won't necessarily pay attention to that. I think there's a reality of God saying that this was something that should be done regularly, and that really speaks to me because without that kind of rule around it, I'm not going to naturally opt into that. That rule is a gift to me as a reminder that, "No, you are human. You have to eat this regularly." Y'all both know I'm awful at just stopping for lunch, but there's a part of that that's like I'm not living in the reality of my humanity in that moment, and not stopping for sabbath is a similar thing.
Julie Kotulek:
Have you noticed some yellow red flags that bubble up for you when you have just been flying past it for so long that tells you, "I need rest?"
Alison Mezger:
Yeah. I think outside of maybe some of the things Annette was talking about where someone gives you some feedback that's helpful. I've joked before that my favorite feeling is overwhelmed because it's not actually an emotion, it's just the compilation soundtrack of all of them. But I think for me very specifically, not knowing that I have a bunch of feelings and not being able to identify them is a reality of not taking them to Jesus, not sitting with Him in them, and that cannot happen for me.
I'm just a slow processor of those things, so it cannot happen in small chunks of time. There has to be actual time with Him and a journal and as few distractions as possible. So I will find the mental or emotional ball of yarn that's inside me grow bigger and feel more tangled when I'm not taking that to Him for Him to help me unravel things. So that's part of that feeling of overwhelmed because it lacks clarity and Jesus is what helps me know what those things are and what is sin and what is grace and what is His perspective versus my flesh. All of that gets very muddled if I don't have that extended time with Him.
Julie Kotulek:
That's so good.
Alison Mezger:
I think it can be said of all the spiritual disciplines that the most helpful way to grow is just take some initial steps. You just start doing the practice. We fumble through it, we trip over each other. We ask for help, but it can also be helpful at times to stop and take advantage of resources out there. We talked about this specifically with respect to prayer because the best way to learn how to pray is to start doing that. At the same time, there are some really wonderful books on prayer. When you think about the sabbath, I think about that as well. It's such a personal experience of sitting with Jesus, of putting off things, of putting on things. But when you think about resources that have helped shape your idea of it, I'd love for you to share those with the women that are listening.
Julie Kotulek:
I think probably the number one source, it's a book, that just wrecked my life. I couldn't stop talking about it now. Most people that I know have read it because I wouldn't stop talking about it, is the Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. It's on my yearly read list and probably top five books that I've ever read. I think that just points to the deep need in my soul, and I think just like in the people's lives around me that I see that we are so hurried and we hustle all the time. I think we just have a deep longing for rest and we can't fully grasp it.
Alison Mezger:
That's good. Anything for you, Annette?
Annette Haralson:
Julie definitely stole one of my answers because I think that book was incredibly helpful. But another one that I think I really needed for myself was Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, because I needed to recognize how unhealthy I was in my emotional spiritual state. I really did, 'cause I didn't understand. I didn't see it, and that book helped open my eyes. But not only that, it pointed me to some follow-up resources that the author has written. Right now, I can't even pronounce his last name, so I was going to skip that, but-
Julie Kotulek:
It's Scazzero. It's Scazzero. Say it.
Annette Haralson:
But he actually has some follow-up resources that can help you to implement healthy rhythms such as sabbath.
Alison Mezger:
That's great. The one I'll throw in, because it's not actually on sabbath, but is one that has shaped my understanding of how much I need it is A Long Obedience in the same direction by Eugene Peterson. There's something about even the pace of that book and how it talks about discipleship that was really helpful for me to read. That's on my annual reread list, and there's not many on that reread list for me. Okay. Let's wrap up by talking about community. We've hit on a little bit. Annette, you talked about that time in the day when your husband comes home. Julie, you talked about starting sabbath alone, but then needing to end with people. What does sabbath look like, not just in terms of inviting community in to participate with you, but also in the accountability of community towards sabbath?
Annette Haralson:
Yeah. For me, it really is making sure that there are people in my life who know me, who know me at my worst, who know me at my best, who know me at my core, base level, so that they can recognize when I'm not healthy because one of the big reasons will probably be because I'm either not actually taking a sabbath or I'm not sabbathing well. I might be going through the motions, but I'm not actually sabbathing well. So it's having those people in my life who recognize that. I will say this, I don't have that within my community group right now because I don't have anybody in my community group who's practicing that.
So I had to go looking for those people who actually recognize the value of sabbath. I talk about sabbath a lot. Just this Sunday I was talking with somebody and I've found another woman that I've had great conversations with, and we sat down and or not sat down, we stood as we were working and just started talking about sabbath and what it looks like for her and what it looks like for me. So I wish that I had that within my missional community. I think maybe part of that is because I haven't really talked about it that much within that setting, but it's looking for those other people that you can actually have those ongoing conversations with for sure. But the number one person in my life who'll know if I'm not sabbath well is my husband, just hands down.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah.
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Annette Haralson:
Oh, yeah.
Alison Mezger:
What about for you, Julie?
Julie Kotulek:
I think this is something that I think step one is starting the conversation because I don't really see anyone in my sphere practicing sabbath in this way, whether that's my LTG or my MC roommates. That's not something that I really see. Someone could be, and I just am not aware of it, but I just don't see that as a high priority in the circles that I run in. So I think nearly starting that conversation and inviting in accountability of, "Hey, this is something ... " In preparing for this podcast, I was like, "I'm so convicted," and there was a time in my life where I saw the fruit of Sabbath, and I haven't in this season in Austin. So it's like I feel convicted of I need to fight for this, and so I think I need to essentially ask for accountability in this area. Then, I don't know, just what I've caught glimpses of what sabbath could look like in community. I think this is so interesting for a single person because most people, or a lot of people sabbath within their family unit if it's with people.
So to ask the question, what does that look like to bring people in? For me, that looks like, "Oh, towards the end of the day, once I've had my alone time at the front and have done that piece, and then I need people that just looks like scheduling a social thing that is a people feel for me, I think it would be really cool to get a group of people together legitimately like, "We want to sabbath together." Twice, I've gotten the smallest glimpse, and I'm not saying that this is the answer to it, but I got a pizza oven for my 30th birthday. There's been a couple Sundays since then that I have sabbathed, because that's typically the day that I try a sabbath. The day has ended with cooking pizzas with my roommates, and it has truly been the most fulfilling thing, so I was like, if I can make something like that consistent, but that requires singles and marrieds to both have that need and agree to be in it together and to fight for sabbath together.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah. I think that's a beautiful picture, but not just a picture, something you've experienced.
Julie Kotulek:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
So to take that and be like, "Lord, what would you have me do with this? How do I invite other people into that vision and opportunity?" Is really cool.
Annette Haralson:
Even if it's just one person in your life, even if they're not able to Sabbath with you, if you have just one person in your life who will weekly say, "How was your sabbath this week?" Just that one level of not just accountability, sometimes I think that we misuse that word, but care somebody who cares that you sabbath and will want to know and want an honest answer.
Alison Mezger:
It's a little bit of the Bible reading question of it's not just, "Did you do it right?" But it's like, "How did the Lord meet you in that?"
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
"How did you bring your whole self to Him in that? What did that experience, ... how did it bolster your faith, or where are you struggling?"
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
Yeah. Those are good care questions. That's great. Well, guys, I feel really challenged, I'll be honest. I feel really challenged. I feel really-
Julie Kotulek:
Agreed.
Alison Mezger:
... encouraged. Julie agrees. Annette agrees.
Annette Haralson:
Yeah.
Alison Mezger:
This is something that I want for me, for you guys, for the women listening. I think it would be crazy to not participate in this conversation or to be listening to it and not feel a combination of encouragement and conviction or challenge because what we're talking about is something that we all deeply know on some level that we need. Yet, there's a lot of things working against us, our flesh, our schedules, the culture around us, which to be frank, we didn't talk about a whole lot, but we are swimming in a world that says, "Do more, be better, be busier. Your worth is in the things that you show up to and the things that you do and the things that you produce," so there's a lot working against us, but the reality is whether you right now are feeling primarily encouraged or primarily discouraged, I think the encouragement can and should come from God's grace.
If this is something that you feel like you have a healthy rhythm in, then praise God for that, what a grace that He has given you. If it's an area where you feel like you struggle or even are disobedient at times to say, that is not a reason to keep you from taking baby steps. He's not looking for your performance even in sabbath or in rest before receiving you. We don't have to get ourselves together before saying, "I'm going to take a step of inviting someone in to hold me accountable, Annette, like you said, "to care," and then I'm going to start looking for, "I'm going to do an inventory of my days and my week to figure out where can I put off some things to put on some of Jesus to spend time with Him."
Annette Haralson:
Yeah, because if you're like anyone who I've talked about who's trying to incorporate sabbath, it will be one step forward, two steps back, so many times along the way-
Julie Kotulek:
That's right.
Alison Mezger:
It's a process. It's a process.
Annette Haralson:
... that you still continue to look for that step forward-
Alison Mezger:
Yeah, that's good.
Annette Haralson:
... and rest in His grace.
Alison Mezger:
And rest in his grace. That's right. Well, Julie, Annette, thank you so much for being honest about both the tips and tricks and the struggles and realities of pursuing sabbath. I hope for the women listening, the same thing that I hope for myself, which is that the provision we have been given in the word of God and in prayer and in confession and repentance, and in sabbath that all of those things together give us ways to pursue Jesus, that ultimately, they all add up to opportunities. We have to sit with Him to be known by Him, to be comforted by Him, to ultimately, find our refuge in Him.
They're the only things we have at our disposal to fight lies, to fight apathy, to fight, distraction, to fight hustle; these things that are threatening our faith or threatening our ability to sit with Jesus and find our refuge in him. But our God is a God of grace, so He's given us these things. He's given us each other. He's given us community, and He's given us His spirit to help us take these steps of obedience and faith. Our prayer is that this has been an encouragement to you that will help foster conversation between you and friends. We would love nothing more than to continue the conversation with you with a really specific focus on exactly how Jesus is our refuge. So we would love for you to join us for retreat March 3rd through 5th. We love you and we hope to see you there.